So as I have been obnoxiously blogging about, I have class ALL DAY on mondays from 10:45-9pm, but luckily for me my 3 and a half hour bio lab was cancelled so I got to walk home to get lunch and take a nap (amen to that, whoever thought it was a good idea to stay out til 4am watching the Super Bowl should be smacked, aka me) On my walk home I started thinking about so many things. Since I've been here it has brought many different things to my attention that I thought about before but never really acted on.
Before I left for Madrid I was skeptical, exciting, scared, and a little freaked out about leaving. I had so many mixed emotions I couldn't even control myself. I had never been away from my family for a long period of time, granted I do live at school at home but it is literally 15 minutes away, I am constantly talking to my mother and my father's in the city basically once a week for work and stops by and says hi. So this is really my first time alone. It's funny because I feel a lot better off than I thought I was going to be. Being here makes me appreciate my family and realize that I can go far away and do something that really makes me happy and that they will be there when I get back.
The more I think about it I honestly have not been as happy of a person as I can be back in Boston, yes I love school and I love my friends but I feel like there is so much more to life than what I have been doing. There is so much I want to see and experience in the world and I feel the NEED to do it. I know I am only 19 years old but when I look get older and look back on being young I want to have something to show for it not just going to college, staying local and getting a job. I have this itch to see everything and go everywhere or move and meet tons of new people. I kind of lost myself over the past year and a half, didn't really have a hobby, would just go to work, school, the gym and do things that I didn't even want to do just because I thought I had to. I don't want to be like that anymore, and I'm starting to realize that I do have control over my own life and I can do whatever I want. When I get home if I want to go abroad again next year, yeah I'm going to do it despite what anyone else says. I also feel that at home no one really knows or understands me but that is half my own fault because I don't like to open up or put myself out there. There are just so many things that have been running through my mind and it's hard for me to express them.
I think it's funny because I am literally not homesick at all. I kind of miss "normalcy" and of course I miss my friends and family but luckily for Skype and Facebook and all this other technological crap it's like they are here with me anyways. - It's also such a nice life without constantly being in contact with people, yes I do miss my blackberry because it's just easier to have it with me to find things and be in contact with people but honestly it's amazing to see how much you learn to appreciate people you spend time with when they are not preoccupied with something else. I wish it was like that at home, it just makes for a better quality of life.
For example, the people I have met here I have already had better conversations and heard more stories than any of the people I have met at home.
I am really enjoying myself, letting myself think freely and not worry half as much as I usually do.
Another funny thing I realized is that I am literally exactly like my mother, all the things that she does that we constantly make fun of her for, I DO. My friends tease me about being over cautious and like a "nana" all the time but it's just something I cannot help. Rose pond that quality off on me. It's just the way I am.
These are just a bunch of things I was thinking about this morning, trying to a better quality "richer" life.
I don't want to go back to class today but I don't really have a choice, I have class again from 4-9 (brutal)..
No comments:
Post a Comment